Then one evening, after the girls were asleep at Claire’s house, Emily found Mark washing bottles in the kitchen.
“I want to ask you something.”
He shut off the water.
“Okay.”
“When you went to look at the apartment with Madison… were you going to leave me?”
Mark did not answer immediately.
Emily appreciated that.
She had begun to distrust quick answers.
Finally he said, “I was thinking about it.”
Her face tightened.
“I never signed the lease.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“I know.”
Mark dried his hands.
“Yes. Part of me was planning to leave.”
Emily nodded slowly.
“Why didn’t you?”
“I told myself it was because of the babies.”
“And the truth?”
He looked at her.
“I wanted two lives.”
Emily frowned.
“I wanted the security of you loving me and the freedom of not having to deserve it.”
Mark’s voice was quiet.
“I wanted Madison to remind me of who I used to be, and I wanted you to keep carrying the part of my life I had built.”
