“What if I wait too long?”
Claire smiled.
“Emily, your marriage isn’t yogurt. It doesn’t have an expiration date printed on the lid.”
Emily laughed despite herself.
It felt strange.
Good.
Claire nudged her shoulder.
“You can watch.”
“Watch what?”
“What he does.”
Emily thought of Margaret’s words.
Trust him differently.
Perhaps that was all she could do.
Two months passed.
The girls grew stronger.
Grace developed a determined little frown.
Lily smiled first.
Faith, once the smallest, became the loudest whenever she wanted attention.
Mark became skilled enough to manage all three for short stretches while Emily rested.
They rarely discussed the marriage.
Instead they discussed bottles.
Laundry.
Doctor appointments.
Sleep.
Ordinary life.
Then one evening, after the girls were asleep at Claire’s house, Emily found Mark washing bottles in the kitchen.
“I want to ask you something.”
He shut off the water.
“Okay.”
“When you went to look at the apartment with Madison… were you going to leave me?”
Mark did not answer immediately.
Emily appreciated that.
She had begun to distrust quick answers.
Finally he said, “I was thinking about it.”
Her face tightened.
“I never signed the lease.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“I know.”
Mark dried his hands.
“Yes. Part of me was planning to leave.”
Emily nodded slowly.
“Why didn’t you?”
“I told myself it was because of the babies.”
“And the truth?”
He looked at her.
“I wanted two lives.”
Emily frowned.
“I wanted the security of you loving me and the freedom of not having to deserve it.”
Mark’s voice was quiet.
“I wanted Madison to remind me of who I used to be, and I wanted you to keep carrying the part of my life I had built.”
Emily absorbed the words.
“That’s hard to hear.”
“I know.”
“But it’s the first explanation you’ve given me that doesn’t sound like an excuse.”
Mark nodded.
She turned toward the window.
“I don’t know whether I can be your wife again.”
“I know.”
“I may decide I can’t.”
“I know.”
“And you’ll still be their father?”
