My mother-in-law kept showing up with her whole family for free BBQ at our house — when they came empty-handed again on the 4th, I served them a lesson instead.

I watched her all afternoon.

She was — and I did not expect this — good at it. She was very good at it.

She knew where the extra glasses were. She sent Fionn in for a serving spoon and knew which drawer. She stood at the end of that table at about six o’clock and welcomed everybody, and her voice went at the end of it, and she sat down fast.

She has not been able to have anybody at her house since 2016.

Not because of money. She has money. Because — and I did not work this out until I watched her that afternoon — she has spent nine years being a guest, and at some point being a guest becomes the only thing you know how to be, and then it becomes the thing you defend.

She has been arriving at my kitchen and moving my table three feet toward the window because it is where it used to be.