The other kids learned that laughing with Ben was safer than becoming his next joke.
Then came the winter dance.
I heard his insults.
A week before that, Ben caught me after history class.
“Hey, Rachel, are you going with anyone?”
“No.”
He smiled.
“Want to go with me?”
I had a crush on him. I hated myself for it, but I did.
I convinced myself that was the moment everything changed.
“Want to go with me?”
Part of me hoped we might end up like a couple in a teen movie.
I saved my allowance for a gray and
gold dress. Mom helped me curl my hair.
“You look beautiful, Rachel,” she said.
I believed her.
Then I walked into the gym looking for my date.
I saved my allowance.
Ben was standing near the bleachers with his friends.
He saw me.
“Look, the ugly girl came to the dance!” he called. “Who’s going to dance with her?!”
Everyone around him laughed.
I don’t remember leaving.
I remember crying into my pillow all night.
Mom sat beside me and rubbed my back.
I don’t remember leaving.
***
The following morning, I asked my mom to transfer me to another school.
She didn’t tell me I was overreacting. She just said, “Okay.”
Three weeks later, I was gone. Life got easier after that.
I didn’t see Ben again for 18 years.
I was gone.
***
I was 32 when he walked into my office.
I was closing up late when the door
opened.
Ben stood there, holding a crumpled school photo.
I knew him immediately.
“I’ve been trying to find you for years,” he said.
I stared at him.
I knew him immediately.
His eyes were red.
“I’m sorry.”
I grabbed my purse.
“No.”
“Rachel.”
“You don’t get to walk in here almost two decades later and say ‘sorry’ like you spilled coffee on me.”
I moved past him.
He caught my arm. I pulled away.
He released me instantly.
His eyes were red.
“I’m sorry,” my former classmate said again. “For everything I did to you.”
